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The Most Popular Strategies
for Christmas Shopping
Christmas will soon be upon us, so now is the perfect time to dust off your shopping lists and make room for some of the most popular and time-honored Christmas shopping strategies.
I shall list them in no particular order:
 One of the most used shopping strategies of the past several years is that of offering up a silent prayer of thanksgiving and heading for one of the nearest profusions of dollar stores. Now everybody from Uncle Biff and Cousin Claude to the mailman at work will get a present!
Another practical-at-the-time strategy is doing your shopping for next Christmas the week after this one. The only drawback to this strategy is that by the time the holiday rolls around again, you'll have forgotten who you bought 25% of the gifts for, used another 25% of them for birthday gifts and other last-minute-forgetting-of-important-occasions-bail-out gifts, your children will have discovered and destroyed another 25%, and you simply had to wear the beautiful red cashmere sweater that you were going to give to your sister-in-law to your office's Valentine's Day party and the strand of pearls that was meant for Aunt Edna complemented both the sweater and the stylish shoes with the pearl buttons that had been destined for your sister's feet next year.
Now you're going to have to use another shopping strategy.
Which brings me to strategy number three.
My personal favorite strategy for Chrstmas shopping is the one of timing your entrance into the shopping center precisely thirty seconds before the store closes on Christmas Eve, descending upon the "Last Minute Gift Ideas for Suckers" table, scooping the entire collection of neon pink golf balls, mis-matched toe socks with Thanksgiving turkeys on them, chia-pets, and Halloween pumpkin key chains into your shopping cart, and proceeding to the check-out lane, where you hand over $3,278.12 for the loot.
Piece o' cake.
(Of course, on December 26th, it's a good idea to start sending out your "sensitivity to the commercialization of Christmas" propoganda decrying the practice of receiving gifts when Christmas is Jesus' birthday, anyway. This will stem the tide of gifts of horror that you're likely to receive from the recipients of this year's Christmas shopping strategy.)
One of the most popular strategies, by far, is the joining of crazed shoppers who arrive at the doors of their favorite stores at three a.m.the day after Thanksgiving to await the store's opening at five in order to engage in various fistfights throughout the day over beanie babies, X-boxes, and other if-you-don't-get-this-you'd-better-not-return-home items for the dear children.
I mean, c'mon. who wouldn't want to get up at the crack of dawn, battle bumper to bumper traffic that takes an hour to go two blocks, then spend another hour circling the parking lot before finally parking two miles away from the store? After all, by the time you drag your battle-weary and gasping body out of your car and back into your dwelling, the trunkful of items only cost twenty bucks.
When all is said and done, I guess the best strategy for holiday shopping is to do what works for you, keep your sense of humor handy, and please--I'm begging you, please...don't send me any more chia-pets.
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Last revised on 12-09-02
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